seek and you shall find

first of all, i need to stop crying. almost 48 hours ago i was having the time of my life partying my ass off and now, im a mess. all of the sudden, my fabulously gay boss aint that fabulous anymore, forever talking about how good designers behave and such. how GOOD designers live their life FOR design and how its part of their LIFE. i don't blame him for saying such things, cause in his eyes im most prob someone who is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. ive lost my design mojo. LOST MISSING GONE. i need it back. badly. the support system i had in sch has gone seperate ways and now im like a fucking lost sheep. i cant complain to anyone about work cause im sick of complaining and they are sick of listening to it but if i don't rant it out, im afraid i'll just quit tomorrow. damn, i suppose to be posting fun pics frm zoukout and the twins bday and all i can think of is to complain. and cry and cry and cry before anyone gets home and see me crying AGAIN. im 20, i cannot cry anymore. THATS THE FUCKING GROWN UP RULE. and i dreamt of F. i fucking dreamt of him. FUCK. i deleted his number, his FB, block him from msn and now he appears in my sleep, the only time i can have peace. what is going to happen to me? i always telling pple to be happy and be positive but what the fuck am i doing now? i cant even find a reason to wake up in the morning. i need help.